She Can't Go to School. Literally.

Do you know about school refusal? 

While I feel the term school refusal is an inaccurate and derogatory description, it's when a child has an inability to be in a school environment, finding it unbearable for unique-to-them reasons. 

I prefer school overwhelm as I feel it is more appropriate and better reflects the symptomatic response that my daughter experiences as a result of her neurological differences. 

Well, we are in that season. And this isn’t our first bout.

In fact, it took us years to physically assimilate into a brick and mortar school building. So, these hiccups are almost to be expected. Though, I’m never really prepared for them when they do pop up.

In past experiences, overstimulating artwork, visuals, and classroom changes all served as culprits and contributed to the activation of fight, flight, or in Gia’s case - freeze.

It’s week three of back-to-school and we’re back to school overwhelm. 

I know Gia best. And I know, through experience, to not push her; whether it’s school or any other life overwhelming ask.

Autonomy. She likes it and deserves it. 

And with a PDA (Pervasive Drive for Autonomy or Pathological Demand Avoidance) profile, Gia having a say in what serves her best is a must to calm her overactive nervous system. 

My role as Gia’s mom is to connect and open the bridges of communication with her support team at school, since that is the place of perceived threat. Hypervigilance is my best friend as I evaluate and reconsider all of her nonverbal clues; sleeping habits, restrictive eating, increased need for sameness and other signs of anxiety: skin picking, etc.

Seldom is there a separation of church and state. Partnering with her academic support team is nothing short of necessary to best identify the worry (or more often than not; worries, as in plural) and remedy her anxiety in a way that sets Gia up for success, long term. Thankfully, we have a great partnership.

You see, much like an immune system, my daughter’s emotional and neurological resistance gets worn down by the plethora of demands and sensory challenges that she has to accept and assimilate while out in the world. And eventually, she gets worn down and depleted.

We want to work fast and get her past this as quickly as possible. She’s missing out on learning time and attendance. And yet, I have to honor (advocate) that Gia has always had her own time-line. 

So, here we are, mid-week. Thus far, Gia has missed the entire week of school. She says she’ll return on Monday. 

Monday feels safe to her.

While I’m hopeful it’s Friday, as I always say to both of my children … 

Safety first.

-Frankly Christina 💋