Unlearning; Stopping this Sacrificial Epidemic of Caregivers.

It doesn’t have to be this way. And it can’t stay this way.

Over four years ago, I began to experience back pain in the center of my back. And by back pain I mean a stabbing, piercing sort of pain. And it began with my lifting of Gia. She was about five at the time. And if you know me or have physically seen me, you know I am small in stature. So petite five year old Gia was about half the size of petite fully grown adult Christina. 

Yes, it was the daily physical assists. Getting my little bundle of goodness in and out of the car safely. Helping her to maneuver in her environment. All those kinds of things. But it was also the unplanned catches, the quick grabs, the whole body pick ups when she was in flight or fight mode. If you have an autistic child or loved one, you know exactly the moments that I’m referring to. Those significantly added to the strain.

And guess what I did? The same thing that all too many of us caregivers do…nothing. I did absolutely nothing about it. I dealt. Because I had too many responsibilities. To too many people. I didn’t have time for physical therapy. In fact, I didn't have time for any appointment of any sort when it came to me.

And it got worse. And still I tried to remedy it on my own. 

I used heating pads. And icy hot. And all the things that really add up to zilch. I made adjustments to support Gia’s motor planning challenges, empowering her to navigate her environment independently. Resulting in less strain on me.

And let this be said, as well. Because this is a disease that we need to talk about, too.

Women doing it all. 

Yeah, I’ve been riddled with that plague.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve been filling my cup. Going through self-care practices, living a meaningful life. But, Christina came last. As in at the bottom of the pain filled barrel.

I’m sure you can see where this anything-but-uplifting story is going…

In December, things took a turn for the worse. I began to experience excruciating pain radiating down my left arm. So bad that I could no longer ignore it. Mainly because it impacted my ability to go about my day in normal fashion, which meant doing it all for everyone. 

I went to my PCP. And as she has said before; if I’m in her office, it’s bad.

I was referred to an orthopedic where I had an x-ray with concerning results. I was scheduled for an MRI and an appointment with an orthopedic spine surgeon.

And then the pain became intolerable, as it often does when it’s been neglected. A trip to the Emergency Department, an expedited MRI, and several doctor appointments later; the verdict is in and non-negotiable.

I need a double cervical discectomy and fusion. Or in layman's terms, I'm getting some new hardware replacing two angry discs and a double fusion of my neck.

And it’s happening Wednesday.

Not soon enough to be honest. Because that excruciating pain? Still taking up residency in my neck and arms. Making it impossible to do anything but moan and groan and lay about.

I want to grab a microphone and tell all parents and especially caregivers to STOP. For the love of God, we need to stop normalizing this sacrificial epidemic and take care of ourselves.

I’m not referring to mindful moments and caregiver fatigue (all valid and worthwhile, I might add), I’m referring to our health and medical care.

I want to say, “Don’t do it all.” And if you’re in a situation where you have “no choice”. Find support and supports. Because you deserve and have the fundamental right to be healthy. The World Health Organization has a constitution based on this very premise.

This sacrificial lifestyle becomes a habit. So second nature, it can be difficult to unlearn.

I thought I had no choice but to keep charging forward and here I am. And I regret I didn’t make other choices.

Life happens. If you’ve hung around me long enough, you’ve heard me say it a thousand (trillion) times.

Sometimes life happens to you. Sometimes it happens for you. I’m not sure which one this is for me. I’m thinking a combination of both. 

If you’re reading this and you’ve neglected your health, make that damn appointment before someone else has to make it for you. Before you truly lose your choice.

Please pray for me as I get some new bits and pieces and a new way of life.

As I always say, it could be worse. For me, maybe it could have been prevented. But it doesn’t have to be that way for you.

-Frankly Christina 💋