Autism on Pause

Autism does not go on holiday.

There is no break. No vacation. No lull in how it presents.

In fact, as anticipation builds leading into Christmas, a person often experiences their  neurodiversity more profoundly.

The tree, the parties, the anticipation of receiving gifts unknown. A change in our homes, familiar environments and in routines. Demands, even if they’re positive and joyful, can be stressful and lead to Autistic burnout.

And then when it all ends, there is sadness. Because for a person that sees the world concretely, as black and white, there is the non-negotiable acceptance that a full year must be waited until Christmas arrives once again. And it is felt so intensely, it can be more closely related to grief.

And then there’s me. The co-regulator. Her partner in life. Doing my best to remedy new stresses, create positive picture memories, and build resilience for us both. 

I try to think in advance to predict challenges and plan. I plan for food exposures, sensory differences, challenging cognitive flexibility, anxieties and socially acceptable emotional responses. Supporting pre-holiday and post-holiday processing.

I try to soften her stress. Not only for her, but for everyone. I can honestly say, I feel like I narrate the entire month of December.

And  when it feels overwhelming for us both, I remind myself of the blessings. As it was just 5 years ago that she opened a gift for the very first time - at Christmas. The years when her enjoyment of the Christmas tree came from stimming, trance-like, from the multicolored lights versus hanging ornaments.

As a mom to a child with complexities and uniquities, I have learned there is not one linear way to celebrate the holiday season. And it has broadened my experience in unimaginable ways.

And so the real question begs, is the true challenge at holiday time Autism or the neurotypical ableist lens in which customs were built upon? Maybe we don’t need a pause button on neurodevelopmental differences but rather a new supportive framework to show up for all families and new ways to celebrate.

As I put the lid on Christmas and move into the new year, I am reminded of God’s love for all. I tell Gia every night at bedtime that God chose the perfect daughter for me. 

“Maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a neurotypical store, maybe it means inclusivity … and a little bit more.”

-Frankly Christina 💋